Brecon Camp - 15-17 May 2015

It's been a long time guys. We NEED to do this. For our own sanity! For humanity! For the Children!!
We need to feast on meat in abundance, tell really bad jokes, and get into some serious male bondage (maybe not that last one though).

Plan is to set of Friday afternoon at an unrealistically early time of say 5pm. Get to Brecon, park up , walk to our regular camp site and set up camp. (Not) sleep. then on Saturday it is the start of the meat fest!

First up lads is to find out who is coming. So put your names down on this here doodle:

http://doodle.com/xbf4wzi87ttfmd9ifswgw7m3/admin#table

Event Summary

Eight Men on a Camping Trip
(Cultural Reference Assistance: Three Men in a Boat)

1. The East London Posse (Eggmed & Rifter) arrive at the rendezvous (Refi's place) at 8pm. The locals turn up at 10:30pm.

2. Shafiq goes to get skewers from his house. Rings doorbell in unique way (ding-dong) to alert wife to his presence. Wife calls police to report intruder trying to break in.

3. Refi's A6's petrol filler cap won't open. Tixy breaks into a sweat as we pressure him to take the Phaeton (kissy thumbs). Finally saved by the forums! Naare Takbeer!

4. Eggmed gets grumpy as we are so late. Leave for Brecon at 11:30pm

5. Arrive at 2:30am. Pray Fajr. Eggmed's soles decide to disintegrate. Back to trainers!

6. Trek to camp site. Some other people have camped on OUR site!! And 3 SAS dudes are on the island!

7. Camp on the next site along. Braved hurricane force winds coming down the valley. Braved 15 tons of cow-pat spread all over the site. Put up tents. Make a fire. Cornflakes for brekky. Find that there are three guys on the next site. Shafs suggests they might be homos. Rifter reminds Shafs that while they are 3 blokes, we are 8! Suggestion is made to storm their camp site with cries of "Allaahu Akbar!" to drive them away. Suggestion abandoned.

8. Sleep from 8am till 11am. Hurricane force winds almost blow away our tents.

8.1 Shafiq wakes everyone up shouting 'we have overslept' someone shouts back 'its 11am' Shafiq replies 'oh...'

9. Wake up and find the three guys have gone! Move over to new site, no wind, no cow pat. Jazzy is wearing a two-colour granny coat. Shafs thinks he is a woman with a beard. Conversation turns to women with beards ...

9.3 New fire. Everyone collects wood, and Shafs uses his enormous saw to procure huge logs. Tixy establishes his status as Pyromanic through use of his toxic breath.

9.6 Barbecue. yum yum Tixy cooks for all us, while we eat. Tixy develops DRI over being our Pyromaniacal Chef Slave. Feisty is the Ideas Man. Later he morphs into the Thinking Man.

10. T-Bird and AJ turn up just as the food starts. They eat and then bugger off after one hour! (Feisty doesn't go with them! Wasn't that the plan?)

11. Go for a trek. Plan to do at least 2 peaks. Tixy doesn't have a jacket so borrow's AJ's bright orange one. Climb up along path of death and destruction and damnation and death and drudgery and death and destruction. Grasses keep swallowing our feet. Tixy is wearing the bright orange jacket so no-one can see him. Feisty gets cramp. Attic and Jazzy say they will go back with him.

12. Sajjy disappears into the distance. This is his First Act of Treachery.

12.3 Tixy still can't be seen and we keep losing him in the man count. Now and then a head and boots is spotted that look like Tixy's. A pair of fingers are also seen along with the head and boots.

13. Shafs, Eggmed, Dohee and Rifter get to the path, turn around and find Feisty, Tixy and Jazzy coming back up.

14. Eggmed is worried about Saj. Eggmed is worried about Feisty, Attic and Jazzy. Eggmed is worried for the Ummah. Saj is busy climbing peaks while abandoning the Ummah. So Shafs, Eggmed, Dohee and Rifter re-unite with Jazzy, Attic and Feisty.

15. We get reception!! So we think we should call our wives. Rifter says text is better. We all compose suitable texts under expert guidance from Rifter. Dohee tries to win brownie points so he can stay tomorrow : "I look at the beauty around me and it reminds me of you"

16. Eggmed worried about Saj. We worry about the setting sun. We all forget about Saj, so we all start to descend back to camp following the sheep trail and the river. Path of death and destruction.

17. Arrive back at camp and start a fire.

18. Saj arrives. We all accuse him of treachery.

19. Fire + Barbecue + Food. Tixy continues Chef Slave role, until Rifter saves him by destroying Shaf's kebabs. Dohee gets the lungi out for a dump. Pray maghrib.

20. Sit around camp fire. Eggmed gives us a reminder. Dohee sings "Bang! Bang! I shot my best friend down!" Arabeezee poem. Muslim laazim seeda.

21. Sleep from 11pm til Fajr at 4am. It's bloody freezing.

21.3 Shafs starts a fire. Tixy keeps asking him how he did it so quickly while only using tweegs (sic) and firelight. Shafs pretends he is the new Pyromaniac while hiding the fact that he used BBQ Charcoal.

22. Dohee, Feisty and Sajid (Second Treachery) decided to leave. We give them all the extra weight as they are three and taking one car, leaving 5 of us in the second car.

23. Tixy decides to leave with them too. The four of them bugger off.

24. Good riddance!

25. Fire and breakfast. Fire and barbie. Shafs is the new Pyromaniac and Gourmet Chief. Long conversation on how to squat for a dump with demonstrations from Rifter. Shafs goes to try it out.

26. Trek back to cars. Drive to waterfalls car park. Examine map. Rifter persuades everyone to take left route. Get stuck in mud. Come back and police man tells us to go right. Drive to second car park. Beautiful walk up stream. Discussion over a route that is circular and a route that doubles back in a linear way.

27. Waterfalls. Shafs gets stuck in fallen trees. Waterfalls. Lovely walk. Hahaha - those suckers who left early missed it all

28. Cars. The imminent need for a dump. Rifter remembers the McDonalds. Emergency! Drive to McDonalds. Shafs, Eggmed and Jazzy all go for dumps. Fillet-o-fish, milkshakes and chips. Six Million Dollar Man impression from Jazzy results in girl sitting behind him turning around and looking at us. Rifter does it properly after they leave.

29. Cars - on the way home! Eggmed falls asleep while Jazzy drives. Shafs and Jazzy fall asleep while Eggmed drives.

30. Reach Wycombe. We stink. Pray. Tea and biscuits. Tixy tells us about his shredded car tyre that is the size of a tractor wheel.

31. All done. Rifter and Eggmed leave for London.

32. Naare Takbeer! (Refer to Peppa Pig Takbeer spoof)

Camping Pictures

Cars

Audi A6 - Tixy
Skoda - Tauheed
Mini - Shafiq

Tents

3-man Wifty
3-man Shafters
4-man Reef
3-man Feisty

Individual:

Big rucksack (at least 65 litres)
Boots
Torch
Sleeping bag/Ground mat
Towel
Cutlery/Plate/bowl/Mug
1 small bottle of water for trekking
Cuddly teddy
Around 30 Squids to sort out the costs on the weekend!

Food

BBQ:
3 disposable bbqs shafiq
3 bags of coal shafiq
Skewers/thongs(:-))/matches/BBQ fluid shafiq

Stove:
One stove

Meat:
All marinated and kept in freezer overnight
2 kg Kebab mince (for kebab skewers) shafiq
2 kg Chicken chunks (for kebab skewers) Ahmed
2 kg Lamb Chops Tixy
2 kg Chicken wings Tixy
1 kg Boneless chicken fillet leg/breast Ahmed
15 chops + 2 chickens Wifty

Veg for skewers:
Baby tomatoes (4 packs) - Jazzy
Mushrooms (4 packs) - Jazzy
Onions (1 small bag) - Jazzy
Peppers (3 packs) - Jazzy

Other:
Pitta bread (8x6 pack) - Jazzy
Corn on the cob/butter (10 pieces) - Jazzy
Humous (2 tubs) - Jazzy
Olive Oil (small bottle) - Jazzy


Breakfast:
Cereal (1 Large box of crunchy nut) Ahmed
Cereal (1 large box of Fruit & Fibre) Wifty
Milk (10x1L) Ahmed

Drinks:
Coke/fizzy (10x2L)
Water (10x2L) Ahmed
Teabags/milk/sugar Ahmed
Deep pan for hot water for tea Wifty

Miscellaneous
Bin liners shafiq
Matches shafiq
Parrafin cubes shafiq